“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” – Luke 6:41
We are naturally quick to blame others for our interpersonal disputes, conflicts, relational breakdowns, and grudges. In our mind we clearly see everything that’s wrong with them. We repeatedly rehearse their past words and actions which serves to deepen our anger, hurt, and bitterness. Our thoughts spiral ever more negatively and we feel ever more self-righteous and justified in harboring hatred.
This is NOT how Jesus commands His people to think about their relational problems! It’s certainly possible that some broken relationships are entirely the other person’s fault (as may be true in cases of criminal behavior, abuse, and addiction). However, in the vast majority of cases, if we were truly honest with ourselves, we would see that we too bear a certain responsibility for the mess. Whether it’s 1%, 10%, 50%, or 90% percent our fault, in most cases, our words, actions, inactions, or lack of words have contributed to making that broken relationship what it is.
Relational healing begins by recognizing our own sinful actions and responses, asking God’s forgiveness, and then asking the other person’s forgiveness. That opens the door for resolution – either by freeing them to confess their own contributions or by preparing you before God to honestly point out their sinful conduct.
The key point is that as Christians, we’re always called to make the first move. We’re called to get honest with ourselves, be honest with God, then be honest with the other person. It’s incredibly hard. It hurts our pride terribly. It embarrasses us. It makes us vulnerable. But we can do it, because when it came to our rebellion against God, our conflict with Him, He made the first move even though none of it was His fault. To bring reconciliation with Him, God sacrificed His Son on the cross. His eternal Son became vulnerable, was abused and humiliated, was tortured and killed, and rose from the dead. Because He did, we can swallow our pride and sense of injustice and begin to make peace where there is currently only conflict.
For most of us, the world has slowed down radically and unexpectedly. Why not use this time when we’re forced to reassess our priorities and examine our lives to evaluate our broken relationships and begin a journey of peacemaking and reconciliation through Jesus Christ?